Why should I forgive them?

Why should we forgive people who have hurt us?

And what does it mean to forgive?

Does it mean that we pretend that what they did doesn’t matter? No.

Does it mean that we allow them full access to our heart, even when they are not trustworthy? No.

Does it mean that we are a pushover, and that we have no self respect? No.

In actual fact choosing to forgive is a form of self-respect. It is saying to yourself “I do not want to live with this agonizing, stabbing pain, in my heart any longer”. It is releasing the pain, so that you can live free from it.

Is it easy to forgive? No it is not. Many times we are filled with anger at being so horribly mistreated, and the last thing we feel like doing is forgiving. It can feel like a form of justice to hold onto the pain, and repeat over and over to ourselves how we have been wronged.

But the sad thing is that not forgiving is not as effective as we hoped it might be. It ends up twisting us up on the inside, and skewing our vision. The pain and bitterness can seep into other relationships, which hinders us from having the very thing that we desire; meaningful relationships filled with love.

So how do we start the process of forgiving? It is making a choice, by an act of our will. It is highly unlikely that we will feel like doing it. At this point we have to grit our teeth, and take the first step, and say to ourselves “I forgive……..”. Can we do it alone? No. We need divine intervention to make such a courageous step, as to choose to release what has happened to us. But imagine a life of freedom, a life where you can live unfettered by the wounds that once dominated your life. It can take time, it often requires making the choice to forgive over and over again. Each time releasing more of the pain and offense. But it is possible. And it is worth it.