Why should I be vulnerable?

Being vulnerable is risky. So why bother doing it? And what does it mean to be vulnerable in our relationships?

Firstly it comes by removing pressure. There is an unspoken but powerful pressure to be perfect, or at least appear to look like we are perfect. It can seem that if we tick all the boxes of achievement in a certain category, that we are surely worth prizing and are worthy of some attention. But prizes and lots of attention from large crowds is for competitions, not for relationships. A real relationship is one where you can truly be yourself, and you are still accepted. The other person in the relationship may lovingly challenge us to grow in a particular area, but their intention is for our personal growth or freedom. However if their motivation is to make you more pleasing and acceptable, so that you somehow fit their ideal of how a person should be, then I would question their trustworthiness.

So back to the question, ‘why should I be vulnerable in relationships?’ Because of this; when we are vulnerable with trusted people intimacy grows in a relationship. And intimacy is the opposite of loneliness. So what do you want? Do you want to appear perfect, and wear yourself into the ground trying to achieve it? Or do you want to start to signal an end to loneliness in your life? In this sense I am not referring to physical loneliness, as in being alone in a room. But loneliness of heart, where we are not truly known. It may feel safe, but is it bringing you life?

So what does is look like to practice being vulnerable in a relationship, or friendship, with a trusted person? It means admitting that we need help, it means admitting that we made a mistake, it means admitting that we need the strength of others to come alongside us. It means truly being yourself, and not pretending to be someone else. It means listening to your heart. It may mean changing some of the ways we present ourselves. For some of us we may feel liberated by choosing to wear less make-up, or not be afraid if our hair gets a little out of place, or if we are not always keeping up with the latest fashion trends. Of course, there is nothing wrong with make-up, styling our hair, or wearing the latest fashion trends. The point is: are we feeling liberated, or in bondage? If we feel in bondage to create a perfect appearance using these means, then we may want to consider making some changes. Because when we are truly ourselves, and we are loved for being ourselves, then that love can sink in deep. However if we think we are being loved because we earned it in some way, then that love can never really penetrate our hearts.