There is a mystery to relationships, whether it be family, friendship, or romantic. It is not easily defined or measured. It is like the wind, you can feel it, but you cannot see it, it is wild and mysterious. And so relationships cannot be put in boxes, or easily measured by a set of linear rules. Relationships are more like a winding path, with gates, and valleys and mountaintops.
The wonder and beauty and joy that can happen in a life-giving relationship comes from it being nurtured. So how do we nurture relationships? Think of a plant, most of which thrive from consistent care of daily or weekly watering. They do not necessarily need a huge amount of water at once, but it is consistency that is the key. And so it is with relationships, we need to be consistent with each other. Regular attention given to the person we care about causes that relationship to thrive and grow, and over time become deeply rooted and strong, just like a mature plant.
How else can we nurture the key relationships in our life? By giving them time and space. Have you ever noticed how the most delightful moments in a relationship often happen in a relaxed and unstructured time? These are times when we are not hurrying from one task or appointment to the next, when we do not have to constantly watch the clock. Certainly having a schedule and being on time are important, but the key here is to allow yourself and your loved ones time to breathe and unwind. It is here in this place that our hearts can be knitted together.
Perhaps being seen for who you truly are is scary. After all, not every relationship we have had in our life has brought us joy, and some have wounded us deeply. It can seem so much easier to run from this pain, than to let love in again. But there are loving people out there, people who will enrich our lives and help us rebuild what has been broken. If you feel tempted to hide from this pain by engaging in busyness, to the point of filling all your time with activity, and little time for reflection and repose, then you may want to rethink your schedule. Our many accomplishments may bring us attention, but what is that we really need? Is it attention or love? Be brave, and take time today to lay down some of your accomplishment-driven tasks, and make some free time for heartfelt connection with other people. Do not be afraid of the mystery and unpredictability of relationship, but let it fill your heart with joy and wonder. And if someone disappoints or hurts us, let’s take some time to allow ourselves to process and heal, and then move on. Because the prize of truly life-giving relationships is indeed worth the risk.
Stephanie Balke 